Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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