why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
now i know why i became what i already was.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
