She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
