Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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