I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
