She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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