look no pants
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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