If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
pray to the hookup gods
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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