Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
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im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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