I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
