Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
