Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
