Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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