you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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