$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
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my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize