So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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