Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
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...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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