Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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