omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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