I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
