Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
