Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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