The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
