Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
