Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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