Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
