yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
