well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
