Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I supernannyed him into submission
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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