genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
