I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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