found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
