I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
