giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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