I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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