the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize