Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
