Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
