I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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