its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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