I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
