I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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