Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
