whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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