my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
