May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
