i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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