i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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