You don't have asthma, your pregnant
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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