I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
