Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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