Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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