Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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