@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
