I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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