Michael Bay diarrhea
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
