There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
