my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
