Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
