I haven't been this sober since birth.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
