Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
