Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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