I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
