Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
