Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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