I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
