I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Who did Billy Mays play for?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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