That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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