Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
