Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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