She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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